ideas for joy
february 2021
a guide to romantic gestures
We have been together for 16 years now. From the beginning of our relationship, Tim was the one who always went the extra mile to make our romantic celebrations happen. At some point, the rose petals and the transformation of our apartment into romance-galore was almost taken for granted… However, we now realize that these tireless efforts have kept our couple going. They re-energized our relationship over and over… In fact, the romantic gestures are among the key puzzle pieces of our relationship.
But how does he do it? Where do all these ideas come from, every time? How does he manage to make our hearts glow, over and over again?
There is a method to this madness!
We call it:
when? where? how?
Have you noticed there is no “what?” This is because the “what” does not matter as much. Gifts come and go. We can’t always guess exactly what the other person truly wants and needs. Gift disappointments will happen, and that is OK. The perfect gift is not what our method is about. Our method is about… the atmosphere.
A romantic atmosphere is made up of so many fleeting, subtle things…
the color of the lipstick + a joke well placed + a sexy laugh + an unspoken understanding + the right aroma in the air + that well forgotten but so right song + the texture of the sheets = <3 ? ? ! !
Just kidding, there is no formula!!
How can one possibly control something as ephemeral as the atmosphere? The answer is you can’t! There is no way to control it, but what you can do is work to create it and then… let go and enjoy.
Let’s go back to our key questions: when, where, and how.
The “when” matters and goes deep. We all have our circadian rhythms, which means the level of our energy changes depending on the time of the day. Is your partner happy and perky in the morning? Do they strive after 11 P.M.? Does their rhythm work well with yours? Do your kids need you right when you’d rather give time to each other? Do those annoying neighbors blast their favorite music at 11 A.M. sharp? All these details need to be taken into consideration. Think outside the box! Remember: you want to minimize the distractions, and be well-rested, which would make you more receptive and relaxed. Perhaps, a sensual breakfast or a naughty lunch date is more sensible than a romantic dinner. It takes some planning, but it’s doable!
The “where” is just as important. People generally tend to think “restaurant” when it comes to romance. But why? What if a trip to a restaurant is out of reach at the moment? Look closer! Of course, a setting change can be energizing and stimulating, but who says you can’t transform your bedroom/living room/kitchen into the hottest spot in town? All it takes is a little imagination… look around yourself. How is your bathtub? A few rose petals, essential oils, and candles go a long way. If you are lucky to have a patio, a balcony, or even a fire escape, some electric candles and a soft blanket for an outside glass of hot wine could energize your senses. A home-cooked dinner set on a picnic blanket in the middle of your living room could be a start to a very romantic night/late morning/afternoon…
And finally, the “how.” You must have noticed that the how has already been shining through our examples of “when” and “where.” Have you got a gift for your partner? Great! Now, where are you going to hide it? Can you send them on a scavenger hunt? Do you want to reveal it to them when they least expect it? Can you hide a small object in a huge box? What about inside a cake or the bottom of a glass of wine? Remember, it is the effort and the atmosphere around it that matters.
the element of surprise
And last but not least: let go of the expectations… There is no grand finale to any of this. It is all about spending time with your partner, showing them that you care. Remember, you are playing the long game. This morning/day/evening/night is only the first of many more to come...
Photo credit: Jessie Watford Photography